I recognize that I haven’t written in 10 months, and today I share about my last 10 weeks. I’m a numbers geek, if you know me, and find meaning in the silliest of things. This doesn’t feel silly though. It’s time for me to share. To get back to writing and pursuing my dreams. Thank you for reading and being here with me.
11 weeks ago, my partner and I talked through FaceTime. It was the first time that he had looked at me in 10 weeks. He told me he wanted a divorce.
10 weeks ago, I started my journey of rebirth. I didn’t know it then, but in hindsight it was the beginning of clarity, of finding myself. It was brutal and confusing, painful and uncomfortable, but today it is as clear as this Colorado sky I now gaze upon. I was surrendering to fate.
9 weeks ago, I was barely eating or sleeping. Barely able to get out of bed. The looming dread, but necessary attendance of an international wedding for a very dear friend pushed me to get a haircut, get my nails done, and find a dress. I asked my doctor for antidepressants so that I could get on the plane to Gran Canaria, Spain. I was a constant stream of grief.
8 weeks ago, I survived the wedding and allowed my friends to share their concern for my well being. I aborted my initial plan of hiking the El Camino trail alone in Portugal (a soul seeking mission to prove my strength) and instead joined my friends at their gorgeous villa in Northern Italy. I finally eat, rest, and embrace the support of true friendship.
7 weeks ago, I made the decision to honor myself, to stop wallowing in self pity. To see that although life wasn’t exactly what I thought it should be, it was pretty freaking amazing. I was loved and supported by people all over the world. I was guided and protected (thank you Flamingos). I decided I wanted to move to Boulder, Colorado - regardless of what anyone else thought or needed. I started looking at apartments, jobs, and confirming the lifestyle alignment I wanted and needed.
6 weeks ago, invigorated by Europe and the connection of friends for 20+ years, I jumped on a plane, visited my soul sister in Boulder, and fell in love. I immediately felt at home immersed in the sunshine, mountains, food scene, thrift stores, and the friendliness of strangers.
5 weeks ago, I saw my partner and my dog for the first time in six months. We look at a home in Boulder. It’s full of light and color. It has a front porch. We decided to buy it, call it a peace offering? I’m unsure. But the Universe confirms and my heart soars. The deal happens in less than 24 hours.
4 weeks ago, I returned to Vermont and packed up my life, with the most vigor and energy I’ve had in years.
3 weeks ago, I said goodbye to my friends and family in New England, my home in Wardsboro, VT, the Newfane forest, and my Phish family at SPAC in NY.
2 weeks ago, I drove across the country, with my furry best friend, Mowgli. For three days, I sat in stillness, in determined strength. I bask in gratitude for my body, my network of support, gasoline, tires, and the wide open space of the Midwest.
1 week ago, I arrived in Boulder. I moved into my new home. It is empty, and yet, my heart is absolutely full. I am alone and yet, I feel so loved and supported. I am where I’m meant to be.
Today, I feel inspired, connected, and hopeful. I have furnished my home in one week! One week of thrifting and allowing all of the items of my life, of the last six years of vagabond living, to collect within the orange walls of my new humble abode.
Thank you for this incredible gift. 10 weeks. Of seeing, feeling, and believing. Of paying attention and taking action. Of honoring and allowing others to support me. To admit that I wasn’t okay and asking for guidance. 10 weeks of letting love guide me back to a sense of self.
In love and gratitude, from my new home in Boulder, Colorado,
That’s horrible and then on to awesome, strong and wonderful! Thx for sharing your life journey and best of luck and love in CO!!! You’re an awesome individual and I like your writing style too!
1:22 as I type. Of course.